PAG

Lord Polearm Guy, Wavehaven Dragonspine

"you know it took alot of practice to be this big of a douche" -Spooky

"Dude, I can't believe you did that, I am so going to kick your butt after school...and I am gonna bring my friends, well I would bring my friends if I had any. I know! I will bring Captain Fabulous! He is my imaginary gay superhero buddy that I fight crime with in my wood armor when I carry my ninja sword...you are sooooooooo dead"

Bio

Amtgarder from Wavehaven who apparently trolls on E-Samurai, posting as PAG. His posts range from quasi-legitimate questions to downright crude troll posts. Bangor refuses to believe he exists, though his posts have been made from cruzio, so it seems plausible that he is indeed someone from the Santa Cruz area, and hence Wavehaven. He has a website where he sells weapons. He periodically posts pictures of foam or 'live steel' weapons he made and offers to sell them. They are invariably idiotic and of ludicrously poor construction, such as a butter knife with pieces randomly chewed up on a bench grinder that could just as easily have been created by accidentally dropping it down the garbage disposal. None of his creations are up to the quality of prison shivs. Also went on about his wooden armor made of 2x4's.

At one point Meggido took him up on the offer of one of his knife creations. PAG has yet to provide it, and among many on ESam "Where is Meggido's knife?" (in any choice of language you prefer) is the only response they will make to a PAG comment. Others prefer to respond only with "** crickets **".

Informally diagnosed with Pronoia, the delusion that other people think well of you and are only pretending to hate you as some sort of game, in the manner of TV comic relief like Munroe of Too Close For Comfort, Johnny from Airplane, or Dwight Schrute from The Office where being stupid, faggy, paper-tiger aggressive, and/or offensive got some laughs even though surrounding characters respond with anger, hate, or choose not to visibly respond. The term was coined as the opposite of paranoia.

As of September 2008 PAG has been banned from his home park of Wavehaven for the following year.

Trolling elsewhere with the Amtgard name

Has frequented other boards on the internet (such as a knifemaking forum) and trolled them to death, often representing himself as an Amtgarder and gave others a very poor impression of Amtgard to put it mildly. References Amtgard in bizzare, disturbed fantasy stories in his own blog. Shows his concept of a skilled beat-down on his youtube account.

Darkshore Debacle

Following repeated trolling and childish attempts at boasting and smack-talk on ESam, coupled with the presence of video evidence of PAG being capable of nothing but sub-noob flailing, ESam took up a collection to fly Clalibus from Texas to Darkshore for a beat-down. After the tickets were purchased, Wavehaven's monarchy banned PAG from the Darkshore event upon concerns that an incident harmful to the game or the 2 parties involved might ensure:

I tried to leave all this alone but you all keep pushing so here it is! If any of you disagree with the reasoning on this that's your right but I feel enough time has been spent on this and the correct decision was made.

Banning someone is never EASY , I personally have lost most of two nights sleep over this.

On Saturday Pag was fighting way more aggressively than normal, delivering several head shots that seemed intentional and was heard to say something to the effect that he would pommel Sir Clalibus to the Ground, and with bone crushing force and his barely legal weapon bust Clalibus' head open.

Whether he can or will is beside the point, when someone makes a threat like that people in charge of the safety of the masses of the club have to act. Either PAG would be successful and we would all say, shoot we had the chance to stop this. Or he won't.

I have yet to see Pag emphatically state he will not do harm instead he begs Clalibus to meet him somewhere.

I am making the decision to not hand him my blessing to attempt to harm an Amtgardian. It is my opinion that he presents an extreme safety hazard.

Pag is Banned for 2 weeks as per the monarchy of Wavehaven's decision and By my authority as Prince of Westmarch.

Sir Euric Bloodstone

The Amtworld has never recovered from the disappointment of such an epic missed opportunity.

Descent Into Madness

Completely unprompted, PAG began this thread on ESam: I think that killing is like a sport - the ultimate sport. Perhaps I feel it coming upon me again. That it is time to kill again. I have always hated it. But I am good at it. Perhaps it is my time, perhaps not. One shall die soon.

... Anyways, I'm thinking of getting close to him once again. Not because he slashed my tires, but because I think he may be a "bad" person, and I think I may have made him worse. It is my duty to make sure that if he is in fact bad, and goes around causing mayhem (in particular a slashing of a tendon that I cannot forgive him for) that if I in fact made him worse and better armed, that I have a duty to once again get close to him, and possibly eliminate him. For people do not change. PS - The cops said it's okay if I kill him.

...Wow, for a bunch of Amtgarders, you guys sure are pussies. Maybe you should take it up with Nodule, our local Amtgarder / police officer / marine. I sure did.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't be breaking the law in killing Floyd. He's already assaulted me with a deadly weapon (a knife), and I suspect if I hung out with him he'd do it again, giving me reason to do a deadly force self-defense arrest. He's slashed my tires twice, and I've said before what he's done to the girl he's with.

That's ignoring the numerous other crimes I've witnessed him perform, including the eye-poking (non-crippling) of one cop and getting out of an arrest because of that.

He's one bad customer. I'd be doing the world a service to get close to him again, but I'm not sure I want to. On the other hand, I get the feeling I'll see him again, and he might bring the fight to me.

The righteous thing for me to do is go back with him and finish him off, but I'm afraid that perhaps he will finish me off instead. Plus, he brings a lot of heat from the cops, something I tend to avoid.

It's unclear who's actually talked to Las Cruces police or if they're just talking about talking to them. He needs one of those commitments-for-mental-health-evaluations ASAP, the complicating factors being Las Cruces is not a mecca of refined public services and most here don't even know his real name or address.

Adhering to this amtlaw Interview with 'PAG'

In ths video someone called Dame Ailanthus and this guy named Grix say that random guy that looks like he got pulled off the street is Polearm Guy. This editor doubts the veracity of that claim.

• UPDATES

It is believed that PAG has been banned from Esam.

As of April 22nd: Unfortunately not. He's back, this time under the alias PoleArmGuy. Apparently, Randall didn't ban him, and he just created a new account.

As of June 14th: He hasn't been around for a little while. Maybe he's finally gone... -as reported by Raven

As of June 26th: Never mind. He's back. -Raven

As of Aug 2008: PAG2 account killed/died 8/21/08

As of May 2009: PAG has once more began to post to CAAmtgard. Fortunately for the rest of the world, he has yet to return to e-sam. He started off quite promisingly, but his inherent "fail" is showing through. :weep:

As of Dec 2009: Returned to e-sam as LordPoleArmGuy, right after contacting Glorious with one of the oddest extortion attempts ever, where he wants to be some kind of silent partner or he'll libel/slander Warlord Sports (and has oddly enough added 'Armithirus' to his name):

"Hello good sirs at Warlord Sports! I am Lord Pole Armithirus Guy of Wavehaven, and I think I have discovered a flaw in one of your products that I myself once made in the past, when trasferring some camp pad off a broken core onto a new core. If the slit is not glued/taped and/or properly secured (which may or may not be very common in your customers!) then a strike that hits directly against the "slit" (again if not glued perfectly) will tend to have a tendency to wear very fast and "punch through" the slit and strike the target with the core, including possibly on a stab -> sideways exit through that "sweet spot" hole that always seems to develop in the tip. There is also an unusual ability I have noticed of most amtgard players to be able to consistently and at will hit with the slit exactly at the gnarliest possible angle, especially when such a flaw exists and the action gets "heated". I do not intend to make a public announcement about this, however I would appreciate some sort of communications stream being open between us if possible, and I would like very much to be a part of your business team remotely if possible, and also discreetly. Thank you very much.

--Lord PAG"

July 2013: PAG has started posting in the Amtgard Facebook group.

Quotes about PAG

"Where is Meggido's knife?"--Just about everybody

Ubi est culter Meggidônis?--Oznog

"Your a complete idiot. Like, its kinda amazing."--Tanath

"When you don't legitimately exist, you cannot see."--Bangor

"Bangor's official stance is that PAG does not exist, because no one could be that stupid and not have their own park beat the crap out of "genericpronoun" for sullying their image. If it weren't for the awesomeness of Grix, Bangor would have extended this policy to Wavehaven in its entirety as well, but for the time being Bangor welcomes them in open arms."--Bangor

"It was recently mentioned that a certain imaginary poster on E-Sam should be inhumed, and a payment was offered. Since that time, I have been pondering the plausibility of completing such a contract.

It can be done, but it would take the cooperation of every other member of E-Sam. Ignore said figment, completely. Do not respond to any topics started; do not reply to any posts made; do not mention; do not acknowledge the existence of aforementioned spectre. Eventually, the figment will vanish.

In short, lack of belief will lead to lack of manifestation. This could take some time, but if everyone works together, it can be done.

Please, all, for the good of humanity, barbarian-kind, and getting me three cookies, I ask that you consider this." -Itsari

yeah but that's nothing compared to the wooden armor. Me, Jynx, Loptr, Kenshin, Aphaydrin, and the other HBS guys and gals were sitting around at HBS Central, reading esam and laughing at the idea of wooden armor. "Such comedy" thought we. Suddenly, a thick fog rolled across the tiled floor, and an ominous tone started to play that sounded a lot like psychic TV. All of a sudden, there stood PAG in all his wonder, wearing his wooden armor. We quickly picked up our standard issue pain sticks and went to town, but lo and behold: nothing. After blowing out every sword I had, and running out of energy, I was forced to submit to PAG's armor. When questioned about it he told the tale that all children should here. The story of his quest deep into the woods to obtain the material needed for the most perfect armor. After crafting it in the heart of an active volcano, and imbuing it with certain words of power, he found it to be nigh indestructible. Nothing could be done.

And that children, is how PAG took over HBS 1. -Maxam

PAG has been randomly featured in a Comic

The PAG test: because PAG thinks its a good idea. seriously, dude... you could tell me the sky was blue and i'd question it and research the fuck out of it before even thinking of accepting what you think is accurate to be fact. later generations will call this the PAG test. "does PAG agree with your findings? then you better fucking recheck them". at this point you will have finally done humanity some good, if only in a roundabout fashion. - Rewth

Other Images

Noteable accomplishments.

In Spring of 2007, inducted into the Amtgard Online Hall of Shame. He was by far the top vote getter.

Recently, insect plagues have started following everywhere he posts. Usually some kind of Gryllidae.

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