The Cock Sucking Song

The Cock Sucking Song or It All Comes Down to Cock Sucking

I wrote this filk to a mix of tunes: The Verses are "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks and the Chorus is the harmony to "Margaritavile" by Jimmy Buffett. At Rakis, in 2003, I blew my knee out during the Jugging. As a result of this I was unable to attend the bardic and was singing songs at my camp. King Crom asked me to sing a song about oral sex. I informed him that I didn't have one and he commanded me to write one. All the verses are based on snippets of conversation by the Raiders from that weekend. This remains one of my most popular songs.
By -Thalen

There’s a theory that says
It’s all about head
That the world is a real simple place
I don’t care where you sit
It’s always swallow or spit
Either way there’s still a dick in your face.
If you don’t think that I’m right
Just remember last night
And what I said when I shot my load
“You’re not the best, and
Baby, I’m not impressed,
But it’s better than fucking a goat!”

But I’m sure damn glad that I gotta dick
A willy, a winkie, a wank
So get me a beer
And get on your knees, my dear,
Because I’d like to see you gobble my crank.

No shit, there I was
Cock deep in fudge
And loving the wet plunging sound.
Don’t ask me why
It’ll just make you cry
When you hear what I did to that clown,
But there’s a time in your life
When the feeling is right
And you know that it won’t come again.
So you whip out your cack
And you spread open their crack
And you ask if they want crunchy or plain?

But I’m sure damn glad that I gotta dick
A chubby, a stiffy, a rod
So get me a beer
And back on your knees, my dear,
Because it’s time for you to polish my nob.

Well, we all have our dreams
It’s not as bad as it seems
If there’s a fetish you just gotta have
You could sit in some pee
Or fuck a quad amputee
Or love the touch of a midget’s small hand
So if you don’t get too drunk
When you’re looking to fuck
You too can have your taste of the pie
But if you don’t get your way
Then we just might hear you say
“I never thought I’d give pearls to a guy!”

But I’m sure damn glad that I gotta dick
And it's bigger than Crom's tater-tot!
So get me a beer
And back on your knees, my dear,
Because you haven’t finished sucking my cock.
That's right, I said, get me a beer
And back on your knees, my dear,
Because you haven’t finished sucking my cock.

Copyrighted Thalen Tannon 2002

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