Ballad of Blah'win

The Ballad of Blah’Win

I wrote this filk to the tune from "Nell Flaherty's Drake". It was written about a particular person, but it seems that every kingdom has one like this so the song has survived.
By -Thalen

If you come to the East, then we’ll give you a feast
If it’s cooked by the Raiders, you’ll beg 'em for more.
And if you’re lookin’ for fightin’, we’ll not leave you wantin’
Just challenge the Horde and they’ll show you the floor.
Yes, all through our borders you’ll find all the orders
Of Knighthood and more of Amtgardian fire,
But don’t get to thinkin’ our land has no weaklin’
Because there’s still Blah’Win, the shot sloughing liar.

If you meet on the ditch field he’ll ne’er take the hits
Wielded by an opponent, ‘tis plain as can be,
But it’s not just in combat he thinks that he’s all that.
He’s simply delusional generally.
And about all those women he claims he’s been havin’
Or turning away, well, he’s just in denial.
So all you young maidens watch your reputation
When hanging around Blah’Win, the shot sloughing liar.

His persona is evil, a skid mark or weevil
Or something quite nasty as characters go,
But he comes off as cheesy, or closer to sleezy
He’s barely as frightening as fresh yellow snow.
Whether noble or peasant just stand in his presence
And state your malevolence he’ll pout and ask why
You’re not fond of the crabbing, the bitching and backstabbing
Actions of Blah’Win, the shot sloughing liar.

It’s gotten so bad now his name is a smack down
Among several prominent figures you’ll meet.
You could call them a cock-whore, or start up a flame war,
But calling them Blah’Win will get your ass beat.
I hope we can find him to gag him and bind him
To mortally beat and then skull fuck that Squire
Let’s all make a vow then as soon as this song ends
To go out and slaughter that shot sloughin’ liar.

But I won’t ask you to kill him at least ‘til you meet him
So grant a small favor to this humble bard
When’ere you find Blah’Win, a lyin’ or sloughin’
Just promise you’ll bitchslap him quite fucking hard.
I ask you attack him, just gank him and smack him,
Make ‘em squeal like a baby in Duchy or Shire,
And I’ll know that you enjoyed my musical envoy
About greasy Blah’Win, the shot sloughin’ liar

Copyrighted Thalen Tannon 2002

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