Asmund
Contents
Grand Admiral Asmund Boromir Brandsson Grendelspage, Dude of the Burning Lands, Patron Saint of Awesome, Lord of the Lap Dance and Big Bully
”But what do I know? I'm just a caveman. Your modern Amtgard frightens and confuses me. When heard that Barbarian healing herbs no longer existed I assumed they were all consumed by the great tundra aurochs. When I see your ultralight swords I wonder 'were these forged by the gods'. There are times it overwhelms me and I just have to retreat to the safety of a strip club and nestle between a pair of fake tits for the length of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' while I come to terms with it all."
Biography
Asmund joined Amtgard in the Burning Lands at the age of 15 in the winter of 1990. Early records show that he signed in under the name "Asmund the Berserk" before he realized how stupid that sounded and switched to "Asmund Brandsson".
A previous entry on this page had described Asmund as "known for his humor", a compliment for which he is flattered.
In addition to numerous satires, Asmund has also produced works of commentary, history, poetry, gaming and gastronomy. He is errouneously believed to have written the Talons of the Parrot, which was, in fact, the product of the Grand Admiral's extra-dimensional counterpart and only imported by Asmund.
This is not Asmund Heimdale Harroldson.
Rumors surrounding Asmund
Asmund never actually happened. Asmund was faked on the same soundstage they used to fabricate the moon landing. Anyone who claims to have 'met' Asmund is either just telling stories to fit in, or is part of the conspiracy. -Itsari
Belted Line
Affiliated Groups
- Grand Admiral and founder of the Royal Amtgard Navy
- His name has been linked to over half a dozen secret societies
Notable Accomplishments
- Classified
- Introduced Brivari to Amtgard, in his guise as Asmundo, ambassador from Centauri Prime.
Things To Know
- Rewth's favorite twit.
- Asmund's Law: As an E-Sam discussion grows longer, the probability of the topic becoming "boobs" approaches one.
- Asmund's Razor: Of two equivalent interpretations or understandings, all other things being equal, the funnier is to be preferred.
- It is a distinct possibility that Asmund is in fact the father of Anatole.
- Is one of the four faces on Mt. Amtmore
More Information
"Asmund loves women and will make an effort to stroke an ego...Feral loves women and will make an effort to stroke."
Asmund Nikolaievitch Rasputin
